The season so far, has been one where the Lake/Club records were being broken seemingly week upon week. The main architect behind this has been Cashpoint Blake (or should it be ATM!!).

Mark’s form has been really spectacular during the early summer months this season, especially in the “evening boy’s series” where his attacking methods have paid great reward… Catching mainly on 3-4 sections, Mark has fished paste down the edge and his ability to swing a “4lb carp to hand” has been something really special to behold!!

Most people have had a go at this method with varying degrees of success, but the evening record of a staggering 223lb will surely stand for a while now ……. Won’t it??

From , if I can call my self a fellow paste angler?, say that Marks results have been down to the man’s skill, speed and experience, and not just the fact that he may feed heavier than some wish to do. …… it’s certainly not just about chucking a sack of pellet in and then emptying it……as I have found out to my cost!!

On the subject of evenings, the turn out has been just about ok this season, with the average being approx 10 members fishing. Seemingly gone are the days of 15+ or so fishing, but the “craic” is ALWAYS good in the evenings, with Shaky & Ugg often trying their damndest to take the “100lb head start pound” from Cashpoint!!

The Silvers Series has gone down really well with those that can be bothered/inclined to fish. To be fair an ideal size is about 14 or so, so I s’pose 8 -10 regulars is just about acceptable?

These core/regular attendees though, once again, have enjoyed some cracking matches; with one memorable match in June where 2^nd – 9^th places were separated by just 2lb (21lb – 23lb)!!

Albi has joined the club, he of the “I hate the match lake” fame, primarily to fish this series and it is interesting….like Cashpoint, to watch just how damn lucky he is!!

The average weights seem to be from the mid/high teens – to low/mid twenties. Albi & Cashpoint have exceeded this on occasion, but a 20lb bag is a great match days fishing and having the skimmers leaping out of the lake
porpoise-ing on soft elastic, always makes you chuckle!!

 Try it ……… you may just enjoy it??

Our main Match Series is the Sunday Series, and with 3 parts of the season over, familiar faces are now moving into position at the top of the league.

Both Poleski & Edd the Duck are in stronger positions than in previous years, when they have had other commitments and now occupy seats in the top three positions. As a result, this series looks like being fought out as a head to head through to the end of the season, that is unless of course, the “norovirus” takes up residence in Christchurch / Bournemouth area ….!! Although our resident Stick may well challenge if continuing his luck regards the draw bag & section strength!!!

Bearing this in mind, the minor places look like being fought out between Ronald, Phlid, Geezer & Fat Ed (Terry, Wacky, Deano, et Moi)
 ……if I can be bothered that is!!!

In the Mini leagues the Zimmer could depend who is able to perform in the cold, at the moment Jack End Peg Rumball holds a slender lead over Shaky Pete. This could be the confirmed result, as Jack at least “does” fish in the winter, with Shaky tending to hibernate!! Rimski (aka Shoeless Joe) & Bob P could challenge if Shaky struggles….. Just like he did at Manor Farm in September … Ha ha ha J

The Cola League (aka “Pretenders Girls league”) could really climax, as there are a few who could fly through late, as early scores are dropped.

This year we dropped the Blue Square League, as at the time, the low amount of rejoining members made the leagues un-balanced, but as the season has progressed, our membership has returned to the same levels, with seemingly the core of new members fishing more regular …. Great News!!

This league may well therefore be the year where by you need to take advantage of the late starters. Phlid & Geeza seemingly are doing this, both being consistent and both having their moments throughout the season so far to date.

The 3^rd place is seemingly up for grabs with Brett “Eddie Izzard” Tizard & Bill the Pipe coming under pressure from Chris “Captain Mainwaring” Perry!!   

Captain P of the “Home Guard” has come on throughout the season, as his knowledge of the venue increases and looks a cert for promotion next year if not this?? They don’t like it up em do they ……..

In the Pro’s Premier League, points are difficult to find as you might expect with it being so littered with stars!!

As the year progresses the only hope those outside of the Top 3 have is a good/flyer draw as the lake gets peggier??

Johannus Poleski holds the nap hand at the moment, with Ducky Edd close behind. The next round sees the deducting of a 4^th score so things will get closer still. Stick aka Shag has performed admirably considering things ……… with his better results coming in his bachelor months….only joshingJ.

Fat Ed, Weeble ( Moses Lines), Ronald, Roger & Wurzel look set for mid table mediocrity whilst 2 from “Stiletto Dave” Falletto, Silver Back & Green Giant are set to join Fitzy in the Cola League next year??

And no one would like to see that would they??.....not bloomin much!!

With no one falling in this year …. I will try my best to lash a few things together, you know the sort of thing where by there is no discernable reason why these freaks of nature appear on the planet and indeed join our club…..but they bloomin well do….. and here’s proof !!

Starting point has to be the “Incontinents and Dribblers” otherwise known as the members of the “Zimmer league”. These people are often found scrounging any discarded piece of kit and then selling it on for profit ……..       
Oops that’s Mr Troke isn’t it …..? Sorry ……. Let’s look at a few of them one by one and you can make yer own minds up:

Fred Kirtley ……….  aka “The Guvna” You must know him, you know the one that comes in moaning and complaining all the time, never having a good word to say about anyone, Fred is one of the clubs nastiest members.

Normally straight in yer face from the off, cursing and swearing ……
Only joking, obviously, I could not be further from the truth could I  ………
I really like Fred the Guvna; he’s a nice bloke/dribbler

 Mr Rumball… aka “End Peg” hmmm, often seen at an end peg, after he has wasted 20 mins spilling tea in the hut!! His ill fitting false teeth were picked up at car boot sale and are two sizes too big and on more than the odd occasion these can be found on the floor along with ¾’s of his hot beverage!!  

He too has moved over to the dark side using plastic baits and plastic floats to present his rubber casters!! Talking of casters you can always tell where he is fishing, as shed loads of floaters (both Soldier Casters,  Pellets and Fag butts alike) waft past you half way through the match……… I like Jack (now sponsored by Enterprise Tackle) ………. But only sometimes

Mr McCallski aka “Rimski & Shoeless Joe”…. Ahhhh ….. Now here we have another totally different proposition altogether. If you can understand him, he may well be a likeable chap, but dear god I have tried and I mean really really tried to strike up a conversation with him, over the past 2 years, but I just can not get to grips with his Polish accent!!! Another whom dribbles profusely , the recent infestation of otters in the South West of England are hiding his tracks and movements within our area.

One EA bailiff was heard saying on the BBC 6 o’clock news, that after “finding 60lb of dead Chub and a shoe …..  strewn up the bank” it’s either otters or that bastard “Ian Shoe less McCallski”. A new club rule is in place now, that means we check his nets and his feet, after each match, therefore allowing his customary homebound snack to be returned alive back into the lake!! ....... 
I dislike Rimski ……. Immensely…….

 Pete Shaky Barnes, “club pain in the arse”, and probably the tightest man in the southern hemisphere…….excepting Barry Silverback James that is…….. is often found on peg 33, 4 ,5 , 6, 7  infact he is all over the bloody lake risking life & death to con free cups of coffee and getting you to carry his kit up and down hills!!  And if really unlucky, he may well sidle up next to you when pleasure fishing as well!!

            Now known in the Evesham area as that “Stupid TW** who fishes the Polaris float in running water”. Shaky has taken cadging onto a new level, he is always wanting something for nothing, so please beware and watch out for comments like:  “That’s nice elastic you have Shaine!” or “My pole is too heavy Blakey!” or “Mr Troke please can I buy off you, for 2p, Fat Edds discarded Preston pole roller!”

These are just a few of well used phrases and have caught out many innocent, unsuspecting people!  Another trait is his penchant for finishing off your sentences …….. sometime before you have even thought of or started them!! His expectations though, at times, are quite reasonable. I remember one day he offered a second hand ice cream to some person for re-elasticating 20 of his top kits, Alas this poor man had been caught unsuspectingly in his web of cadging, ……..wot a sucker that person must be!!

I dislike Shaky….. all the time, but ……..
Especially, just after elasticating 20 of his top kits

Clive Burgermeister Heald is our on site “ Dribbler ” who is often seen with mop in one hand, an inhaler in the other and feather duster up his Jacksy!! He has recently joined the club, but has very quickly disappointed, as he now forms part of the so called “Team Elite Margin Methoders” you know the ones who insist on fishing like girls with a method rod down the edge….. I really thought he was a better person than that, but the speed in which he has turned, has led me to believe that I am not a good judge of character………. I used to like the Burgermeister ……… but now I am not so sure?

 As we move out of this league I find myself worrying about the increasing trend of ex and current militia joining our Coca Cola league. I needn’t be worried though as Capt Perry is a leader in the martial art of “dandelion picking” and has promised to protect us.

In this league there is also a trend of wearing very poor styled ¾ length Camo shorts and calf length military style boots……… lads, lads ……….           just let go ………. give it up …… there really is no need to hide in the rushes any more, no one is shooting at you, its just poor old Shaky’s wayward pellets zinging past yer ears……… I don’t like the Camo Boys they scare me!!!

 Another who wobbles is resident Phlid aka Bob “Please help me with me nets… Please help me with me gear…Please help me get up… Please help me pay for me coffee”… Please help me wipe me arse Wackrill. During the match itself Bob can be seen spying on the opposition more than actually watching his float .. oops sorry I meant tip …….. and is one of the developers, along with Ronald McCann of the “method down the edge into 3’ of water with the wind in yer face and a bare hook” …… sorry that was a barbed comment and I take it back…….. not!

He has certainly come to grips, along with a couple of the better known stars in the premier division, with the 2 sections down the edge “Girly style fishing” which currently seems vogue. He has claimed a few scalps on this method to date, which is unsurprising considering he is crossing the scales-man’s palm with folding money!!  ……… Brenda …… used to be good ……… and I used to be thin ……. I dislike Brenda Wackrill a lot …… and now he’s a she!!

            Deano Geezer Oakes is currently holding sway just behind Brenda …. not a pleasing thought that …… is it??

Geeza is pretty boring actually, but is just about my idea of a perfect member. He is kind, happy, and generous, ……. short …..and always willing to lose……..  In a Silvers match I recall him saying to anyone happy enough to listen “Every time I go into the margin with caster I get a carp out .......  to which the joint reply from ALL others fishing was ….and in perfect harmony too:

“Well don’t F**^^## go in there then”….. eeeezz simple Mr Fawlty!!

Actually “Simple” could be Geeza’s middle name, and I reckon that that may well stick. ….I like Geeza……… he’s a nice geezer

In this league we have a fantastic cross section of the Earth’s population, both mythical and factual:

We have a religious figure (Moses),

We have animals (Roger the Wabbit, Silverback Gorilla, Northern Monkey, Edd the Duck and a Shag),

A folk group member of the Wurzels (Cashpoint),

A Children’s Clown (Ronald McDonald),

2 x Mythical Giants (One of the Jolly Green version and the other who enjoys Dairy Milk and Lemon Cheesecakes),

A Cross Dresser named David Stiletto and finally of course

A Self made Mythical Dragon Nigel “Theo Pothetus” Fitzgerald he of the method fame ….. but hey lets keep it friendly and not start pigeon holing people …. bad habit that and I must stop …… LOL

 Moses is in this league and can be often found sliding up and down the hills surrounding the match lake and obviously in & out of the reeds, from whence he was plucked according to the bible!!  Nicknames of this rotund specimen include Weeble…as in “Weeble’s wobble and they DO fall down”  & “Tilly the Dog Mk II” as he can often be seen sliding down the hill of the front bank on his arse, similar to that of Tilly the fishery dog, who slides down the same hill to eradicate a faecal pellet!!

Q. Do you have anal protrusions as well Moses? I do have a pooh stick to lend you if you want?? .... A regular at the club BBQ, Richie Moses Lines is one of the nicer club members ……………….. I like Moses he’s easy to beat on the paste!!!!

Edd the Duck is the tidiest most –est, best - est ever tidi-est, well turnt out-est smartest neatest immaculate – est, clean pole -est, tidy box, nice clothes, neat hair well groomed-est female Duck in the club……. phew!!

The only bloke to buy a £3k pole just cos it had clean, tidy, new - est, brand spanking – est, top kits so he can continue to fish like the female he is, ………. down the edge!!!! 

Edd ….. does have the odd fault however and that is his occasional sulk ………. And this is normally at it’s worst when there is a bit of grit on his clean -est, tidy- est, new-est, brand spanking –est, top kits or indeed a bit of Skimmer slime on his nice –est clean-est supremely ironed towel.

I have witnessed this sulk in an evening match, just one of the many examples that come to mind actually …… ALL “Wurzel said was” ….                   ”Hey Edd you’ve got mud on yer pole” and whoosh off it went.

All hell broke loose after that , the nail varnish bottle toppled over, his pedicure set went airborne, along with his pocket sized packet of Lillets and worst of all, she laddered her 5 denier stockings ……….. I dislike Edd ……. he normally thrashes me……..

Northern Monkey Johannus Poleski is another in the McCallski mould its just that Johannus is much fatter and younger……. Any way please excuse my 1^st effort at Polishski, but I though I would try to make this Northern Fish Magnet feel at home…. Here goes…..  

Szcześliwego nowego roku jestem Oldham ha ha holenderką jobry wieczor twoje oczy są jak dwa księżyce jestem szczęśliwą mężatką chcę rozmawiać z kierownikiemkurwa mac gowno Oldham ha ha Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! prosze to napisac  gdzie jest toaleta Chcesz ze mną zatańczyć? Oldham ha ha Czy mogę prosić do tańca Zostaw mnie w spokoju Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin Oldham ha ha  

I dislike Pole-ski, he always beats me and worst of all  …………                                   he’s NORTHERN…….

A SONG

Wurzel ….. (Sing along if you want, in tune with the “blackbird song”)  

 “ Blakey Blakey…… I know where he be!

 He be up some pastey tree and I be after eeee !! (Good that eh?)

Now eeeee see’s I and I see’s eeee, buggered if he don’t get me ….

 With an errr big paste float he knocks me down ……..Blakey he does me !!!!  

One time resident at boy’s matches, Wurzel can be seen at most venues to entrap the easy coin. His current ATM Cash point cards are registered regularly at and include banks at Witherington Farm, Orchard Lakes Evening Boys Bank, Whitemore & Dandy’s Ford…… he of the pink cap brigade and imitation crocs, can be found on any of the end pegs at any of these venues but only when “Easy Coin” is on !!

Not to be seen after August on the match lake or indeed at the silver matches since Albi joined, Wurzel really is a nice bloke……honest……. why are you all smiling….c’mon take me serious…….. oh well sorry Wurzel no one actually agrees with me….. but I like Wurzel … …….. EEEEEEE talk’s funny…

Congrats to DAREL for being the 1^ST Club member to go over the 300lb mark. God it must have been black, but fair play mate you still gotta scoop em up ain’t ya!!

 Well I had not better go on with this any longer  as my boss is watching me type this out, so all it leaves me to say is if any of you have any suggestions about the way we run things or indeed ideas for new competitions then please do approach us. We will listen………….. NOT!!

We have had a few scares this year regards health and hopefully the New Year will see a change of fortune for all of us regards this.  I do believe that we have a pretty good bunch currently at the club normally all willing to share advice and tips…….excepting Poleski that is, but hey that’s why he is top dog

So, finally if you taken offence at any of this then I am really so…….        Ha ha ha …..rr……Ha ha ha …….y ………. Ha ha ha ha !!!

No I really mean it …… all of it you see ………co’s I have never lied about anything in my life!!

So with Xmas fast approaching, can I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year?  Tight lines to you all and above all else remember our club motto………